Born in the Echoes - A Two Year Review

5 years ago

5/19/2019 4:00PM UTC

Allie Knight

Never let your fear decide your fate

Today is the beginning of a whole other world of work. But let's start with the yesterdays that have gone by instead of focusing on the future just yet. It's important to remember your past every now and then. It creates a prism with which to view your current place in time. For without our past we cannot have come to be where we are. I know, I'm trying to be all poignant and shit. It sounds awkward but it would make a great coffee mug or cross stitch or something.

We bought an RV. His name is Oscar. This is still a fact. He's still our RV, and he's still named Oscar. We haven't done a whole lot of modifying to him, but hell if we're going to start tearing him up in the next year or two. A new washer and dryer are coming in next week. We need to take the windshield out in order to get them in. Thankfully it's cracked.. so I don't feel so bad. The entire large kitchen slide closet has to be remodeled to fit the new appliances too. As I'm writing this he's actually in the shop getting his preventative maintenance done for the summer season. We have a couple trips planned, one small and one large. I'm getting carried away. But that's where this whole two year hiatus began. With Oscar.

I myself had a major emotional collapse shortly after. My anxiety ticked up several notches and I literally couldn't accomplish more than fishing for Magikarp on a tablet all day. In that time we drove Oscar all the way down the west coast and across the south western desert. We made some memories hiking up waterfalls and into ravines, but nothing inspired me to create any content. None. This put us both in a terrible bind. Steve couldn't keep our finances afloat alone. So I got a full-time gig in a warehouse doing work from the other end of a truck. It's rewarding and satisfying and gave me some grounding to heal. It wasn't easy. I tell you this so you know where I've been. At some point I'll get into it. But at least now you know I wasn't just being a lazy ass. I literally couldn't bring myself to do anything productive. I hit a brick wall and panicked anytime I had to do anything.

We rented a townhouse in a new development near Steve's parents and kids. It was a shitshow. The entire thing was slowly sinking back into the ground. The landlord didn't want to fix the heating system. We stayed for maybe five months. I was stressed and upset on a regular basis; it was a daily struggle for me to feel like my life was going anywhere. I remember clearly every little thing would set me off down a spiral of anger and spite. Little things were easy to get so emotionally unstable about. It's a strange mindset to live in, and one I'd like not to return to.

So what did we do? We bought our own house, naturally. It's cheaper, but for a reason. The thing is old. A hundred plus years old. The middle house in a small row in a neglected neighborhood in the city. I love it. The neighborhood lights up in the summer with life. We can do whatever we want to it. And we are. The day we moved in a light came out of the ceiling (mostly because one of the movers hit it with our couch, but we don't miss it.) We ripped out trim and an outlet on the first day to make room for the vinyl collection as well. And then ripped out a closet to make room for our bed. It's been a downhill slippery slope since. A staircase got replaced entirely, the entire house has been rewired top to bottom. We're in the middle of brand new plumbing and heating as well. I think we'll spend more money than it's worth, but honestly? I live here. I'm not looking to make a profit on my house.. I live in it. I want it to be as nice as I can afford to make it, fuck the free market.

Anyway, we made a short little video for you. Something that actually shows you where we've been and what we've been doing. It's a lot. I actually feel like I did things besides be an anxious mess.

It's amazing how much you can accomplish in a couple years. I'm grateful I could pull myself out of my dark little hole, but I didn't do it alone. I had a therapist for awhile, I worked hard at my warehouse job, and I had a supportive chosen family of friends and new relatives. I'm happy where I am now, don't get me wrong. Things are going very well. We're hella busy, but it's not stressful. I could care less some days. I'll get into that more somewhere else too.

SO! With that slight formality out of the way, we will start with what the heck we're doing lately. But that's for next time. Thank you for all of your support over the past couple years. It's been a long, dark road. The sun is finally starting to crest over the horizon. I hope to share this ridiculous journey with you. See you soon, 'squad!

Thank You for Being Awesome!

This lovely set of Octosquad peeps help make this series. We truly and deeply appreciate the support!

  • Hans Christiaen
  • Gregg Lawson
  • Henry Allen
  • Alex Kriss
  • Issa Tseng
  • Lee Cato
  • Ian Anderson
  • Rob Kopple
  • Merle Jephson-King
  • Kevin Rose
  • Darren Mohammed
  • Charles Johnson
  • Laureen Allen
  • Reid McNutt
  • Phillip Madison